2.8.03
the farewell was lovely. so much fun. i stupidly banged my head into a pole while we were doing the blindfolding thingy....and vivien caught it on video! hmmpf!! my most embarrassing moment. :) and the sec 1s were really lovely too...for once i witness their innocence and warmth. it's a pity all this happened this late...well, better late than never. even the naughtier girls were nicer today. really appreciate them. xinyuan was really cute...she kept saying she wanted to cry when neither calista or i felt anything...haha...quite sad...then a couple of them voiced out their 'desires' for a hug...gave out the bottles of sweets and the way they said thank you to the both of us, it was really heartwarming. all the effort and cash spent on the gifts were really quite worth it. both of us were like stunned and so touched and it seemed as if we lost our voices for that second. and only till later did we manage a weak "you're welcome"...they're lovely. went to take a photo with them in the field in front of the huge tree...it's a pity that not everyone was present...but it's our first photo together anyway. hugged cali and rachel...haha...was so strange...hugging a junior...i mean, i dont even hug my sis...it's weird. hope the sec 1s enjoy their nx couple of years in guides. :) the krazy clique was really nice too...they gave me sth really lovely...was kinda shocked...in fact, i think i'll miss them despite all the nonsense that we talk abt them in sch and all that. will miss cali and our sec 1s, will miss getting irritated at the sight of the sec 2s[i promise i wont now], will miss commanding, will miss terri and tongwei [for some reason, even though we're classmates], will miss waking up early on saturdays and the dreadful feeling on friday nights, will miss wearing the guide u, will miss looking for my badges last minute - will miss guides. wanted so much to say to the sec 1s "we love you" on behalf of myself and cali during the passing out but it was just beyond me to say it out in front of such a large audience. tongwei did though, and it was really touching...in the end, i never got to saying it. i love you all....
den* stepped on your garbage at
1.8.03
absence from blogging for a day cos apparently, i got so pissed with this bitchy woman on the bus and over-exerted myself by refraining myself from hurling insults at her and later the monotony of studying for the SS mock test drove me to dreamland at 8:30pm...it's so soon that i miss an episode of the 9pm show after promising to watch every single one. but despite being asleep, i subconsciously heard mr tay's voice in various intervals and sometimes forced my eyelids open occasionally to catch a glimpse of him or jerry qi. heh. im a total goner.
spent quite a while with dearie today. talking abt stuff we wont talk abt in sch. the atmosphere in sch just isnt right and the pace is way too fast anyway...the drone of lessons, homework, tests, and the vicious cycle repeats. it's only on days like fridays that we enjoy a rare retreat from realism, as we slip into our imaginery world where our fantasies and desires lie. and dearie, pls, i know it's friday, so better get a hold on yourself k? :)
the farewell's tmr. somehow im so fearful. im going to have to experience several switches in emotion, shuttling between the extremes...jubilation and depression etc etc....in other words, have to do some acting tmr....some drama....have to put up a facade. i am numb, i dont feel a thing, shall not let anybody influence me. period.
today's ss was pretty misleading....the structured essays....i just have this awful feeling that i wrote out of point. while walking home i considered my answer and the qn....there's a 50-50 chance....but hell, it's only a mock test. somehow people studied quite hard for this test....but it's not the same with other tests..strange...is SS that crucial a subject or sth? hmmz..
haf to go decorate the star. ciao.
den* stepped on your garbage at
30.7.03
Tay Ping Hui is so dead HOT. if he were the vast shore washed by the farthest sea, i'd adventure for such merchandise - if only....he's totally handsome. migod. drop-dead gorgeous. his hair totally rox. it suits him so perfectly! k la, embarrassed myself when we went to take a closeup look of him before the thing started...couldnt control myself...almost cried as it was totally overwhelming. aiks, im always so exaggerated. and yash, bet you had a nice time seeing how i tarnished my own reputation [and sadly only 0.01% of it is still intact] and the grasshoppers' reactions. AHHHHH....i want tay pinghui! *sigh* too bad he left so quickly...throughout the entire bio test, my mind was just at the MPR. wanted to just dash there to get a glimpse of him....in the end, he left so quickly...couldnt get my tie signed...couldnt see him....sadness man! if onli i could have him for one day, i'd die without regrets....argh!! and to think we should be seated downstairs in the hall...and we'd be just at his feet...that distance compared to the one from upstairs is totally frustrating! and how many ppl managed to shake his hand cos they sat in front...the c2 ppl..so jealous...I COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE!!! argh. no point lamenting over that fact now...he's gone...so be it. will make dad take me to mediacorp to see him nx time. idiot. tay ping hui....................dont care, im going to stay tuned to every single one of the 9pm show episodes from today onwards. nothing is going to take me away from the tv. my dearest alex zheng li heng and xie lang ping....sobz.
finally settled the presents. burned a hole in my pocket. AGAIN. calculated..a total of nearly $25 spent. URGH. so broke...so so broke.
it's still early but im looking forward to 9pm....am going to download the theme song for the 9pm show. lucky jacelyn tay...sang with him in the duet...aiyah...all the lucky mediacorp artistes who have him as a colleague...but by far the luckiest person is the crescent girl who has him as a cousin!!! even my mum thinks she's lucky. aiks..im so besotted. and abigail was so cute..she asked me "how abt the other one?" i thought she was referring to jerry qi...then she was actually referring to jt....hahahaha...oh boy, he lost all the limelight today. muahaha. too bad man...mr tay is so much better looking. =)
if only he was really our principal, like what nick shen suggested...i'll give up everything to turn up at school everyday without fail. and poor yash and daph will haf to suffer...haha. oh..forgot to mention, joey swee's english sux. "cry-sent gers"....my goodness. how appalling.
den* stepped on your garbage at
29.7.03
things are getting better, at least we're giving in to one another more, though at times there are still traces of provocation. well, it's such a sad thing that this has to happen...
there's an additional member to the list of triggers of laughter for yash. lion...very good, so fast and she has a nick. haha. so...we have a huge variety of nicks...colours, animals and plants? haha. whoa...
mediacorp artistes coming...woohoo! :D looking forward..haha..nick shen, tay pinghui, joey swee...yay!! nick and pinghui were my ex-idols..so cool..too bad there's no vincent or jerry qi..aiks, but jerry qi's not s'porean anyway...cool cool..wanna see tay pinghui...quite coincidental...last night i was still scrutinizing and admiring him on tv...and how goodlooking he looks without specs...and all of a sudden, im going to see him in real life! haha. oh wells...daph and yash are so totally against my opinions of guys...so obviously they dont see what's so great abt him, and they just go puking...nvm...im not easily defeated by others' views, heh. just wish terence would come also...he looks dead hot in the lobang king show...he's like some prince charming?! god...going excessively gaga over guys...yikes..oh. that reminds me of jt. and our classmates' reactions when he walked behind me. erbx.....no need la..so embarrassing...haf been embarrassed the whole of today...
today's physics test sucked. oh well, which physics test hasnt sucked? it's yet another of those tests that make u feel like a dumbass. cant be bothered le, quite fun actually...and failing or borderline grades have become a norm. hurhur.
the ageing essay ppl called this morning. accdg to my maid, they called to say that i didnt write my name...and if i didnt, how on earth did they ask for denise wong?! and im certain i did anyway. so...accdg to her, they asked what sch im studying in...so pretty obvious that i didnt write in the sch..but apparently i dont remember leaving out any blanks on the form and neither do i recall there being a space for the school name. *shrugz* the ppl are so efficient. i just mailed it on saturday and they even bothered to call. and i happily wrote the new address...whoa, if they're that efficient and the results are out before we move, i just wonder where the mail with the results will end up.
last yr's lit prelim paper was tough. the unseen prose and poem...if i were sitting for that paper, i wouldnt know which to choose. they're both equally idiotic. i didnt haf a clue as to what the poem was all abt initially but after reading it like three more times, i kinda got a rough idea. a rough idea and not a definite one yet. will wait for the discussion tmr to find out what exactly it's all abt. if all the subjects' prelim papers are going to be this standard, i'll just rot in the exam hall..
ooh..wilber's song is on....and im supposedly wilber...hahha.a.what a huge joke. im supposed to bring 'my' photo to show audrey tmr..
den* stepped on your garbage at
27.7.03
in spite of the three-hour nap i took yesterday afternoon, i went to bed at 10:30pm. drained and withered, there was absolutely no point in trying to get some homework done. sleep did ease things for i was greeted with a new beginning. a fresh start. rejuvenated. but even then, each time my concentration seeps away, i fall into a pit of daydreams, and the thinking process repeats. i think of nothing in particular. i think of people, but these people float around in silence without purpose, conversation is absent. nothing is happening in the background, it is not a scenario or a situation, it's like a frozen picture. a mime. these thoughts are cankering my senses.
hwa chong's going independent. how fantastic can that be? fate has decreed that at this particular point of time, when denise wong is sketching out her future blueprint, some external factor is going to intervene. since hc's going independent, i should think that im left with nj as a choice. furthermore, with the through train prog and all that...the vacancies are just going to dwindle with more chs guys moving in. mum doesnt want hc cos of the increase in autonomy and as a result, an increase in school fees. but dad's in favour of hc. shall be another topic to be kept in view till dad returns. dearie, tell me your plans ok?
in contrast to what dearie is feeling, i have no intention to go to school tomorrow. am feeling so fearful. of what? i dont know. i just feel like cooping myself up at home, without having to face any uncertainties and people. yes, people. im so afraid to face her, im afraid i wont be able to keep my temper in check and i start speaking my mind and voicing my grievances, which will obviously hurt her really badly. can i hide, can i shun, can i runaway? i'd rather stay away than be ignored and ridiculed. dearie, u must help me tmr k? im scared of her. she's making me feel less human day by day. im eroding with each of her remarks. im someone who feels but she's restricting me, she's not allowing me to feel. it's getting stressful. the feeling is totally horrifying, the fear is so immense that each time i think of it, and each time i type about it here i start to tear, or worse, cry. it's eating into me. why has she become this devious machine who's capable of manipulating me?!
den* stepped on your garbage at